when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
