I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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