This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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