how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So vagazzling was a success
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize