if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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