Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
