i permit you to call me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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