I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
