why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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