Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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