remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
