You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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