Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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