based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
