so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize