And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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