Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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