she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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