I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
