went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
God I need to hump something, right now.
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