I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
