Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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