And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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