mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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