Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Too much gin, very little bucket
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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