in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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