im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
