Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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