In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
