i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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