i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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