Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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