Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
