did you get engaged???
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
