some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
