Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
