Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
