i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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