I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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