This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
