so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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