Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
