You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
