so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
