If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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