Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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