if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
