OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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