I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
