i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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