the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
