ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
