is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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