I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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