Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
