i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
