U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
