you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
