I didn't shave. On purpose
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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